Have you met Mr. Wrong? He can look deceptively similar to Mr. Right, but behind his smile lurks trouble and heartache. When Christian Nice Girls are single and dating, their people-pleasing tendencies can attract Mr. Wrong like sugar attracts flies. You’ll learn in this chapter how to swat him away when he comes buzzing around, as well as dating tips that will help you find Mr. Right.
Doesn’t it seem like Christian Nice Girls would attract Mr. Right? After all, CNGs are mannerly, appear ever-so-gentle and compliant, and smile until it hurts. Surely those qualities would attract a decent guy. Some CNGs do end up with Mr. Right–glory hallelujah!–but often, that’s not what happens. Like the smell of blood for a shark, a CNG’s passivity and inability to say no are powerfully attractive to Mr. Wrong. He’s a “user.” He may not be using illegal substances, but he definitely uses women to meet his own needs–for self-importance, money, sex, reputation, power, etc. And like a shark, he doesn’t care who gets hurt when it’s feeding time. He knows, from years of experience, that CNGs are easy prey who won’t fight back, stand up for themselves, or maintain healthy boundaries.
Some married women are haunted by the ghost of Mr. Wrong. Whether they dated him once or for years, being used by Mr. Wrong can leave women devastated and vulnerable to further misuse. Even if you end up marrying Mr. Right, the harmful effects of previously dating a user can negatively impact your marriage.
All that is scary, isn’t it? Rest easy, there are red flags that you can look for to help you identify Mr. Wrong before he sinks his teeth into you. Let’s start with your first interactions with a potential dating partner, whether that’s at work, in a social setting, at church, or on a blind date. Does he display any of these red flag behaviors?
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Paul Coughlin is the author of numerous books, including Unleashing Courageous Faith, No More Christian Nice Guy and No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. He also co-authored a book for married couples with his wife Sandy, titled Married But Not Engaged. Paul is founder of The Protectors, the values-based and faith-based answer to adolescent bullying, which provides curriculum for public schools, private schools, retreats, and individuals who want to diminish child-based bullying.